March Madness!

Welcome to a new month! I had every intention on writing a whole new set of articles for March, but between school, work, my mom, and going out, I wont have the time. Nonetheless, we have a great month ahead of us. Every weekend in March will try to top the one before. This Saturday we have Metro Area at Studio B, and The Juan McClean at the MoMa. They’re both highly recommended. The weekend after, on Friday the 7th, there’s Danton Eeprom [Fondation, France] hosted by Biatch Corp. On Saturday, March 8th, Blk Market Membership is bringing a heavy weight Damian Lazzarus at Love. This is an event not to be missed because it will be the last time Bill Patrick is spinning in New York for a very long time.

If you are like me, you are already packing for the WMC. I won’t have the time or space to tell you about the obscene line-ups, which people have been leaking to me. So, stay posted for suggested parties and events. Also, at the WMC the techno-social event of the year, my foxy ex-girlfriend’s, and editor, Shireen Sandi, 21st birthday is at Pawnshop’s school for degenerates closing party. So pack your bags, call out on Monday, and get ready for March Madness!

Save Your Self!

Choose Shoes

Bathrooms say the Weirdest Things

Personal Jesus

My Valentine Gift to You!

If you are reading this I understand you are a cosmopolitan man with a fair knowledge of geopolitics and a need to get laid. Valentines is coming and you don't want to be alone. Here is a simple way to put your knowledge and New York’s constant floating foreign population to work. Foreigners are a easy target for New Yorkers they are naïve and easy to impress with little or no commitment. You will now see the three major groups of foreigners and where to find them according to your needs.

Tourist
How Long: 2 weeks to 6 months
Where: Museums, Statue of liberty… all those places New Yorkers never go. Target people with maps on their hands.
Approach: This applies to all categories “Where are you from” or if you recognize the language they are speaking “Are you from________”. You go on to say “I always wanted to go to (Capital of the country)” If you know the language you are set. If you know a few words know be humble a about it and say "I only know how to say_______". They will think is cute. Be confident you are the New Yorker offer to show around. And lie, lie, lie you will never see them again and your main target is to get laid so go on enjoy your new identity as an eccentric Manhattan millionaire.

Au Pair
How Long: 6 months to a Year
Where: Pen Station and Grand Central on Fridays and Saturday nights.
Approach: Prey on their desperation, these girls have been working all week in the suburbs taking care of snotty little brats, and you are there to help them. They have great advantages like tourist they don’t know the city that well and want to go crazy on the weekend. They all travel in packs, and best of all they are all girls. Another advantage is that you only have to see them on the weekends. Use the same technique as in tourist but with less lies. Lies have to be inversely proportional to the length of their stay.

Exchange Students
How Long: 6 months to 4 Years
Where: Colleges and Universities.
Approach: Theses girls can be a bit more complicated, and here is where your knowledge of current affairs comes in handy. Once you find out where she is from talk about authors, music etc. If you don’t know much and you are sure to see her again Google that shit. But don’t bore her to death; Show your knowledge little by little as the conversation progresses. Also and this applies to all previous categories also Stir away from stereotypes. Stereotypes are a one-way ticket to high-speed Internet porn land.

Examples of Do’s and Don’ts:
German: Do talk about Bauhaus. Don’t talk about Nazis
French: Do talk about Carla Bruni and Nicolas Sarcozy. Don’t say voule vou couche avec moi.
Russian: Suicidal novelists, constructivism. Don’t talk about communism.

Tips to have fun at the WMC and make it back to NY

The Winter Music Conference can be complicated and overwhelming. Mainly because unless you are going to the Ultra (If you are reading this you probably are not), there are tons of parties going on at the same time, so here are some tips to have fun, keep your cool, and make it back home on time.

Planning: Airline tickets are already very expensive so the sooner you buy them the better. I personally prefer flying to Ft. Lauderdale: it’s less congested and you will be in and out in no time. If you are staying at a hotel, Bingo! You are set with accommodations. Just make sure it’s in a decent distance from downtown and Miami Beach. If you are staying at a friend’s house, be careful. Have a plan B and C in mind. If your friend goes to sleep, gets lost, or his/her cell phone doesn't work, you are doomed to sleep on the street. If you know which shows you are going to see for sure then buy tickets ahead of time. A good example is the closing party at Pawn Shop.

From Here to There: Transportation can be a major bitch in Miami in the hours of 10pm to 10am. You would only need a cab going from your hotel/friends couch to South Beach and Down Town. So if you are moving between those times call for a Cab an hour before (save the number 305-444-444). Renting a car is not a bad idea but it is expensive. It gives you the flexibility of going anywhere as you wish (Miami is a commuter challenged city). But, first make sure you can park wherever you are staying. Don't worry, parking at the clubs is not a problem. Most of them have valet parking (ranging from 10 to 20 dollars flat rate). The biggest draw back of the rental besides the cost is that you wont be able to drink. Cops are everywhere.

The Law: During this week cops are everywhere and they place state troopers at the doors of every major hotel. If you are doing something illegal, do it during the day when security is not so tight.

Drugs: In Miami drugs are cheaper but in this week the prices go up like crazy. If you know someone in Miami, send them some money and have them buy it for you before. This is cheaper and safer. If you don't, take them with you on the plane and don't worry I asked a customs agent (this is true) [Warning this only applies to pills, acid, and mushrooms don't try to take coke or weed on a plane]



Shows: There are too many shows at the same time. Make sure the people you are with want to see the same shows. If someone wants to do something different set a rendezvous point for later. The best way to plan your shows is by going to the Remix Hotel (National Hotel on Collins ave.). They will give you a booklet with every show until the end of the week. Also, plan ahead. Cover charges range from 20 to 80 dollars so its an average of 100 dollars only in covers per night.

Getting Home: If you have class or work on Monday, don't gamble! Leave Pawn Shop on time and sleep on the plane. If you can take Monday off also... you deserve it!

What up Biatch?

When I first met these kids they seemed to be clueless about New York. The first one that I met was Karraskilla, coming out of Le Souk. This was at a time when Guliani had every single good venue closed in the city (Twilo, the Tunnel, Centro Fly). Those who were interested in good music were limited to a few good bars and what ever you could download. So people turned to Brooklyn: huge empty warehouses tons of young people. Every once in a while I would run in to Karraskilla around there. Years later, I met him again at Minimoo with Pito, and Switch. To this day, he doesn't recall ever running into me before (huge lie). But, this time they introduced themselves as Biatch Corp. I told myself "These guys want to do what everyone is doing" and yes it’s true but the perseverance and enthusiasm they put into it is unmatched. They elbow their way from the crowd to a spot of resonance among the techno crowd. Bringing such DJ's Like Stephan Bodzin, Dazo, Jussie Pekka, and now they will be spinning with Swayzak at Studio B (Feb 23) and bringing to Bar 13 Danton Eeprom (Fondation, Infine). You better be careful because these three don't take no for an answer and as long they don't get too fucked up at the party, they will be bringing good tunes and better vibes.

A Fish Head on a Parking Meter Plz Explain

Rough Rough Weekend

I will soon start putting more interesting stuff. I have some interviews in mind. Also some good events coming up. If you dont see your link on the side let me know ill put it there. Probably by next week it will by all good and running (major hangover to keep on typing plus a need to have a word with the att people). Also your feedback is vital.

Till next party...

In the Beggining...

I always thought that blogs were for chronic masturbators living in basements. Which might be true to some extent given that I am single and living in a basement. I also thought that the journalistic value was minimal. But when the most trusted news show is presented on Comedy Central, I started to reevaluate the whole idea of the blog. Plus, Media is my current major, so what better way to practice then to have my own blog? There has to be people in this world interested in what I have to say… right? But do keep in mind I am limited by my lack of experience in writing (keep an eye for those run on sentences, and redaction mistakes). It might not even make sense. But, who cares lets see how you like it, if I have the discipline to keep it going, and if people read it. To begin this is mainly a written, edited, and photograph by me, so it will be about the stuff I like. It is highly hypocritical “yes I wear vertically integrated manufactured t-shirt with sweat shop produced dunks”. This is not a call to change the world (you can’t). It’s more about Thriving and Surviving. Sure it’s not intended for everyone e.g. your parents’ pay for your NYU dorm/Williamsburg Loft/ Long Island Commute. Its more for the disillusioned Actor/Painter/Photographer/Musician waking up to the reality of working as a Waiter/Bar Tender/Dog Walker/ and eating rammen cup of noodles or creative pasta sauce with what ever you have left in your fridge (you can never go wrong with ketchup). So here goes nothing….